a summer

Monday,February 11, 2008 at 4:31 pm (Barnard & New York Year 2 Semester 2)

Mid-february thoughts descend about what the hell to do with the three months that I have at my liberty this summer. My last summer before graduation, I have many thoughts…many, many, thoughts.

One thought is that this crazy city is even crazier in the summertime and wouldn’t it be great to be here, taking it all in? Romantic images of concerts in Central Park, sidewalk cafe breakfasts, late night walks around town, these paint my fantasy of a summer in New York. But, where would I live and how would I pay for it? What kind of office would I be spending my days in, and would I even feel like I had enough time to really BE here? Can I write my novel from these rooftops?

Another thought is that its time. Time to jump this patriot ship and swim east. Back in time, swim for distant memories and scratching and itching at the chance to make new ones. One step in that direction and even the best laid plans will slip from beneath these hardened soles of these careful feet, and I will be lost. Lost amongst the scents and the spaces and the change and the enormity of it all.

But a new thought has emerged. That getting lost in all that doesn’t mean I can’t be found, once again. I can go, and I can come back, and I can endure that, and perhaps that is my challenge. Nourish my straining patience for that other world, and yet challenge my fearful self to come back. To extend love across borders and time zones, to enjoy the airplane ride to and the airplane ride from…what a concept!

In the midst of it all, I will begin to major pieces of writing. My first novel, and my senior thesis. One researching the depths of my creativity, the other researching the depths of the human world. Can I go overseas for six weeks, and return to bucolic Amherst Massachussets among love and peace to write write write write for my life?

Perhaps thats what this summer will be.